I can't believe I am writing this post, thinking these words, feeling this pain...
I always thought there would be more time, another time, next time... More time.
I am so grateful for the time that we had together, the vacations and camping trips, holidays, visits, working together, lots of lunches out. Those last few days at our house were so very special. Playing cards, playing with the remote control cars, watching movies, playing your new hunting game on the wii, eating lots of good food, shooting fireworks, laughing, talking, playing. I am so glad we had that time.
I am having so many emotions. Sadness, Anger, Gratitude, Frustration, Heartache, Love, Pain, Shock, Disbelief.
I am sad for the lost time. quad rides, playing games, trips, shooting, visits, camping. Watching your grandsons grow up. Seeing even more grandchildren added to the family. Seeing Morgan graduate from high school, seeing her marry, bringing out the shotgun to greet her prom date, seeing her children. Growing old with Mom, taking vacations with Mom. I am sad for Cameron missing his Poppa (you had such a special bond). I am sad for Gray who will never know his Poppa, I never even got a picture of you holding him (I am kicking myself for that). I am sad for Pete and me, we were so excited to find a rental up here that had a guest room, so excited to set it up so you could visit us, wanted you to visit us. We are all going to miss you so much, miss having you there.
You loved your family so very much and would never have chosen to leave us. I don't understand why this happened, how this happened, why it had to happen so soon... so young...I don't know if I ever will understand it in this life. So much time that we should have had together has been lost.
Hug your loved ones, tell them every chance you get, that you love them. You never know when it's going to be the last.
I saw this on Becky Higgins blog, she said "May 2011 be the year that we cultivate a better life- for ourselves and those we love most"
We didn't even celebrate New Years this year, but I guess this will not only be my New Years resolution, but the way I want to live my life... better together. Realizing what's most important.
4 comments:
Oh Jess... I know that you're hurting, and so am I. But we're all gonna be okay. Please read my last post. I wrote it for you. The things that I said must be true, somehow. Know that you are loved...
Jess, I love you and your family. It is hard to be so far away when something like this happens. I hope you know that your Utah family loves you and is praying for you and your family. I am so sad that I am not able to come this weekend. I will have my mom and dad give you a hug for me. I know it is hard having him gone. We are so blessed to have the gospel in our lives. He is playing with the future grandkids right now! Love you!
I am so sorry for your loss Jess. I love you so much and love your dad too. This is such a beautiful, but sad post. It is true, we need to take advantage of the time we have with our loved ones because you never know when they will leave this earth. I love you and am thinking of you and your family!
Jess,
I was so sad to hear about your Dad! He was a great man, loved by everyone around him. He will definitely be missed!! We will be thinking about you and your family and praying for you constantly.
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